go home, Cal, you’re drunk
Although healing brings a better life, it also threatens to permanently alter life as you’ve known it. Your relationships, your position in the world, even your sense of identity may change. Coping patterns that have served you for a lifetime will be called into question. When you make the commitment to heal, you risk losing much of what is familiar. As a result one part of you may want to heal while another resists change.
Finished my first semester at Cal and I’m feeling pretty great about that. But it’s kinda bittersweet since I’m really gonna miss all my amazing friends when we part ways for the summer. Even though I’ll be back in Berkeley on June 1st with Aisia and Renee (and Ravina for a little bit).
Ok, here’s a list of things I’m thinking of as the semester ends:
1. I don’t want to go home. But thankfully it’s only for 2 weeks and if I stopped thinking about how horrible it’s gonna be I might actually have a good time? Eh.
2. Apartment! I will have my own apartment like what is life that is going to be so weird and cool and fun. So stoked that I am living with literally all my favorite people.
3. I will miss my current roomie Jenny though. Jenny’s been the coolest roommate EVAR and I was so blessed to room with her this year. Even though I got scared before school started when I thought she was going to be a scary smart berkeley asian. Not that Jen isn’t smart.
4. Classes this year…first semester was better? Or no. Classes were more interesting this semester, but I think I did better last semester. Fairly nervous to see my final grades for this semester seeing as I need to do well in 16B and Econ 1 so that I can get into the Econ major. But what I’ve learned is that I need to study more for midterms so that I retain information for the final more. And like, actually do the problem sets. let me just repeat that. ACTUALLY DO THE PROBLEM SETS.
5. People at Berkeley are just chill as fuck. Like, I have distinct memories of sitting in a high school classroom and not understanding why people couldn’t just be quiet and contribute to class discussions when they had something interesting to say. For the most part, people get that here. A lot of people have interesting things to say and I’m usually interested in hearing what they have to say. I’ve listened to a lot of different viewpoints and I feel more comfortable with my views now, and I’ve even changed a few of them.
6. Celery, tomatoes, and bell peppers are still disgusting. Although I’m really into carrot sticks right now. and by right now I mean I’m holding a carrot stick as I type which is making it take awhile.
7. I don’t really think I’m finishing my first year at Cal as a different person, per se, but I think I’ve changed how I see others, and I’m a lot slower to judge. So good things/improvements. Although I’m not really sure where my first semester motivation has gone. plz hlp, need it to come back.
8. hasn’t been a perfect second semester, but it’s been better than anything I’ve ever done before. It can only get better from here.
9. Oh also I got a offered a position as a Daily Cal writer today hollaa. I’m gonna participate in life again whaaaat. Dropping off the face of the earth was something that needed to happen doe. It was a good break but I think I’m ready to do something productive again.
10. go bears. dammit I love this school.
finally done with finals. 1 yesterday, 3 today, exhaustion. too tired to be coherent. will blog deats for ya’ll tomorrow cause I know you wanna hear about my struggle bus dayz.
Today is going to be the worst day of my freshman year of college, from an academic standpoint.
I’ll let you know if it is also the worst day of my life evar after my 3 finals today.
Cries. JUST SO MANY CRIES.